The Double-Edged Sword of Nostalgia: Finding Comfort without Getting Stuck

Katherine Thomason

Oct 2

4 min read

I recently posted a video of the Flying Scotsman as it was passing close by to my house. I accidentally posted it to 'the world' rather than just to my friends. I was astounded when it reached 10,000 views in 24 hours! My brother said in response to my surprise, "Well, everyone loves the Flying Scotsman."

It got me thinking about nostalgia and I asked myself: is nostalgia always a good thing?

It feels like nostalgia is everywhere these days (though perhaps that’s just a symptom of ageing!). Quite recently, I’ve caught myself enjoying YouTube videos about school dinner puddings from the 70s and 80s, and watching comparisons of what groceries you could buy in 1971 compared to now.

Dust Cover Picture of Boy George for the Culture Club Single Victims.

Nostalgia hits us in unexpected ways. For me, hearing Culture Club’s Victims instantly transports me straight back to Christmas Day in my childhood home in 1983. In a single second, a melody can summon a felt sense of time, safety, and atmosphere that standard memory simply can't match. Similarly, anything from Duran Duran's Big Thing album takes me right back to Christmas Eve 1988 at the Birmingham NEC Arena.

In my practice as an integrative therapist specialising in trauma and bereavement, I often observe how deeply we reach for the past when our present feels untethered or overwhelming. Nostalgia can offer a gentle, regulating warmth to a nervous system in distress.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone. Sometimes the past brings up deeply buried traumatic memories, and certain songs, sounds, or smells can feel triggering rather than comforting.

The Healing Potential: A Safe Harbour for the Nervous System

When working through trauma or profound loss, establishing safety is always step one. Nostalgia—especially when evoked by music or art—can serve as a powerful somatic and emotional resource.

Nervous System Co-Regulation: Recalling memories anchored in warmth and safety can signal to an overactive nervous system that safe places do exist. A song from 1983 acts as an internal anchor when the current moment feels chaotic. During the pandemic—a time of great uncertainty—I attended online mindfulness sessions. The guide would ask us to find a safe place in our minds, and invariably I ended up back in my childhood home. Yet, I know from many of my clients that a childhood home is not a place they would ever choose.
Preserving Continuing Bonds: In bereavement, nostalgia is a vital thread of connection. Remembering a loved one's laugh or a song you shared allows us to maintain a meaningful relationship with them long after they are gone. People keep long-standing family traditions alive, visit special places, mark anniversaries, or raise charitable funds in their loved one’s name. My own family recently attended the unveiling of a local statue honouring those in protected occupations during the war, where my late father’s name was amongst those remembered.

Statue of remembrance to honour those who worked in protected jobs during WWII (image is a bronze statue of a man standing behind a large anchor). Statue is called 'Fighting from Home' (Sculptor is Luke Perry)

Reminding Us of Continuity: Traumatic events can fragment our sense of self. Revisiting life before or beyond trauma helps weave continuity back into our story, reminding us that our identity extends far past our painful experiences. In therapy, constructing timelines can be a powerful tool—not only to process difficult periods, but to acknowledge and honour the good times too.

The Subtle Pitfalls: Painful Comparison and Stagnation

While nostalgia can soothe, it can also complicate the grieving process if we become caught in its pull.

Idealising What Was Lost: In both trauma recovery and grief, our minds often engage in "rosy retrospection." Comparing a difficult present to a selectively perfected past can heighten feelings of despair, making today feel irredeemable.
Avoiding the Pain of Processing: Nostalgia can become a sanctuary where we hide from the raw emotions of current loss. While temporary escape is a natural defence, staying there indefinitely can block the grief work necessary for genuine healing.
Resistance to Rebuilding: Fixating entirely on how things used to be can prevent us from taking the cautious, courageous steps needed to build a meaningful present.

It is all about balance: being able to look back at happy times, while also planning ahead and making the best of our "here and now."

Image shows the view of a rearview mirror while driving through the countryside.

Driving Forward with a Rearview Mirror

Nostalgia is best understood like a car’s rearview mirror: vital for context, comfort, and honouring where you have been, but unsafe if you keep your eyes glued to it while trying to steer ahead.

In the therapy room, we do not aim to erase the past. Instead, we work to honour those memories, process trauma, grieve losses, and use that felt sense of safety to anchor us as we step back into the present.